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I finally took a Saturday off. Well, most of it anyway.
It was a cloudy-ish, balmy day and I was comfy in my denim and tank, barefoot as I like to be. I observed my backyard and realized how much it felt like my cluttered brain. I grabbed my shears and maybe went a little crazy in the chaos of it all. I literally Mr. Miyagi'ed all of my outdoor plants. I was feeling a little guilty that I had neglected them since I've been so busy with work, which is out of character for me.
And as I went around outside, they all looked a bit disheveled with lots of overgrowth and dead pieces. I spent hours trimming with my shears in one hand, pulling weeds and pruning everything in sight. And when I was done, I realized how light and free they seemed.
And apparently, I needed to see that.
It took the day to really get in touch with all that I'm feeling right now. I'm holding the reins at what feels like a crossroad, a fork in the road. I look back and see all I've created and what's coming on twenty-one years of practice. I've learned... always trust your gut. Follow your intuition using your third eye as a guide. Colleen, the answer lives inside you. It always has.
And as I look back, I'm reminded of all the massive transitions I've experienced, especially in the last five or six years. Relocating to New Jersey, leaving my City by The Bay behind, and losing the most important person in my life after a long mental health battle, and my beloved Gram just a couple of months later. Finding my footing in a new community, surrounded by family yet longing for the friends who became my family over nearly twenty years in SF.
And now, there's a brand new part of my business that feels like the most natural extension of who I am as a person. Someone who feels big emotions and doesn't know any other way. I still can't believe this is all happening. I'm exhausted and invigorated all at once as I experience an inundation of change, all while at the helm. My stomach is fluttering with excitement even as I hold the reins, trusting I know the way.
I sit with the layers, the circumstances, the tiny details that make up all of this. Thinking about how my work and art have been a constant evolution. To think of the many people who I've connected with, more than I could ever count. I have so many faces and names jumbled altogether, the brightest, most supportive friends, family and my massive community... my stars.
I'm carrying the weight of change on my back, and it feels so heavy yet somehow freeing as I write this and really get in touch with what's happening with me internally. Writing and sharing somehow always lightens the load.
I hope you'll stick around and continue to support us as I find ways to share so many of the things we're constantly working on, even though there aren't possibly enough hours in the day to reveal it all. My team is everything to me. So solid and strong, supportive, and deeply committed. Without them, I could not carry on nor would the dream exist at all.
While I don't have any immediate plans to shave my head or chop off my hair (truly!), my plants reminded me that I can stop carrying so much weight on my shoulders all the time. No one ever asked me to, so I'm not sure why I choose to do it. Instead, I can continue to trust the process, be an artist and allow things to happen exactly how they ought to, how they are meant to be. My third eye is my guide, and I'm for sure following my heart onto a dimly lit path.
I think it's important to share this part of the journey, the raw and uncut footage. It's not all glamorous, nor is it always rainbows and unicorns.
You show up for me and my team in ways I can't fully put into words. I see you. I feel you. And I am so grateful you're here, especially if you're still reading. Ha. Your presence and love are how I'm able to keep in touch with my highest creative self.
One day, I'll close the book altogether, and my story will be written. Until then, I have a feeling the most colorful pages are still ahead and that the most vibrant part of this story has just begun.
To more winding roads ahead,
Colleen
© Colleen Mauer Designs. All rights reserved.
Published: August 30, 2026
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