My Three Rituals for Moving Through Grief

When I originally wrote this in 2021, I was coming out of one of the hardest stretches of my life. The year before had changed nearly everything. The pandemic forced us to completely rethink the way we ran CMD, our San Francisco shop closed, I moved across the countryand, in the middle of all that change, I experienced two enormous personal losses.

In September 2020, I lost Kamran, my beloved partner of ten years. Just two months later, my Gram, one of the most important people and role models in my life, passed away too. For the first time since starting CMD, I had to truly step away and let other people carry things for me.

My team, family, friends, customers and community surrounded me with an incredible amount of love. My team stepped in and took the reins when I couldn't, giving me the space I needed to grieve and take care of myself. During that time, three very simple practices became anchors in my days: journaling, meditation and walking.

Five years later, I wanted to revisit what I wrote because I still believe in the value of having small rituals to return to when life feels overwhelming. They don't make grief disappear or solve everything that's difficult, but for me, they created a little structure when so much of my life felt completely out of my control.

JOURNALING

I've journaled on and off throughout most of my adult life, but I really committed to the practice right before the pandemic began. At the time, I was writing at least three pages a day, usually first thing in the morning. Sometimes I started with a dream, sometimes with whatever was taking up the most space in my head, and sometimes I had absolutely no idea what I was going to write until the pen hit the page.

That's still what I love about journaling. It gives me somewhere to put thoughts before I completely understand them. Writing in a stream of consciousness helps me get a little distance from what's happening inside my head and see what I might actually need. I also still believe there are few things more annoying than finally getting into a writing flow and discovering you're on the last page, so keeping an extra journal nearby isn't a bad idea.

MEDITATION

Meditation was another practice I started very small. One or two minutes in the morning eventually became ten or fifteen, with an occasional few extra minutes during especially stressful days. I didn't need to become particularly good at sitting still. I just needed to actually sit still.

That distinction helped me. Meditation became less about trying to empty my mind and more about giving myself a little space to notice what was happening in it. Even a few intentional minutes could change the way I moved through the rest of my day.

WALKING

Walking may have been the simplest ritual of all, but during that period it became one of the most important. In September 2020, when my heart was aching the most, there were days when getting out of bed felt enormous. So I started small. A lap around the block became a longer walk, and eventually I was walking four or five miles on many days.

Miglia, my dog and longtime CMD mascot, became my walking companion. We walked through the neighborhood and down by the beach through winter, rain, snow and sunshine. Moving my body gave me somewhere to put some of what I was feeling, and the repetition of simply putting one foot in front of the other felt especially meaningful during a time when I was doing exactly that in the rest of my life.

Looking back now, I think that's what these three rituals had in common. None of them required me to have an answer. I could write one page, sit still for a few minutes or walk around the block. On days when everything felt impossibly big, they gave me something small and tangible to do.

Life looks very different than it did when I first wrote this. CMD has changed, I've changed, and grief has changed shape with time too. I still come back to the idea that taking care of yourself doesn't always have to be complicated. Sometimes it's a notebook, a few minutes of stillness or putting on your shoes and getting outside.

I'd love to know what rituals you return to when you need to feel a little more grounded. Maybe it's one of these, or maybe you've found something entirely your own.

With love and healing,
Colleen

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Published: May 26, 2021
Updated: August 20, 2026