8,000 Miles, 17 States and a Cross-Country Healing Journey

When I was 25, I embarked on a six-month backpacking trip that seriously changed my life. It was the catalyst that gave me the guts to start CMD. I came home with a confidence in myself that made me believe I could figure things out, learn as I went, and build a life that felt like mine.

Nearly two decades later, I found myself needing travel for a very different reason.

I'd spent those years intentionally hustling, growing and working to sustain this small jewelry business. It's been thrilling, exhausting, defeating and empowering, sometimes all at once. Life outside of CMD had changed enormously too, and I'd experienced a kind of loss that rearranged everything I thought I knew about moving forward.

In 2020, I tragically lost Kamran, my beloved partner of nearly a decade. Grief doesn't move in a straight line, and toward the end of 2023, mine came roaring back in a way I wasn't prepared for. For six or seven months, I struggled personally while also trying to stay strong and keep my business afloat. One of the hardest parts was trying to be a good leader when so much of me wanted to sleep, hide and cry.

I've learned that there are chapters when putting one foot in front of the other really is enough. I've also built up my own collection of mental health rituals that I return to when life feels too heavy: walking, thinking, meditating, journaling, regular therapy sessions, laughing, crying, inverting (literally), taking a bath and, when necessary, another nap. None of these things make grief disappear, but they've helped me find my way through it with more patience and grace.

Sometimes You Need to Go Somewhere

In the summer of 2024, I packed up the van, brought my trusty co-pilot Migs, and drove more than 8,000 miles through 17 states.

I spent a lot of that time thinking, processing and trying to be completely present wherever I happened to be. I met incredible people, watched strangers become friends and reconnected with old friends whom I love and miss dearly. After a stretch when my world had felt incredibly heavy, all of that connection filled my cup in a way I desperately needed.

There was also something healing about movement itself. Waking up somewhere different, covering another stretch of highway, seeing landscapes I'd never seen before and having enough time alone to hear my own thoughts gave me space I hadn't realized I needed.

When I finally returned home to Asbury Park, I felt lighter. Exhausted, yes, but lighter. At the time I described it as a kind of rebirth, and looking back, I still think that's what it was.

Healing Isn't a Straight Line

One of the things grief has taught me is that life really does move in ebbs and flows. There can be enormous love alongside enormous loss, laughter during painful chapters, and days when you feel strong followed by days when you absolutely do not.

Travel didn't fix my grief. I don't think anything does. But that trip reminded me that the world was still enormous and full of people, beauty, surprise and possibility. It reminded me that I could feel curious again. I could make new memories without erasing the old ones. I could miss someone terribly and still allow myself to be fully alive.

It also reinforced something I've believed for a long time: we all crave connection. With all the madness in the world, being kind to each other matters. Talk to the stranger. Reconnect with the old friend. If you're too shy to start a conversation, offer a genuine smile instead. You never really know what someone else is carrying.

That summer on the road taught me that I could still do hard things, and that sometimes healing asks us to move while other times it asks us to rest. More than anything, it reminded me to trust that there are still beautiful things around the corner, even when I can't see them yet.

I'm grateful for every mile, every person who welcomed me along the way, every old friend I got to hug again and every one of you who has continued to be part of this journey with me.

xo,
Colleen

© Colleen Mauer Designs. All rights reserved.
Published: August 21, 2024
Updated: August 24, 2026